Funny Insults Without Needing To Swear

When it comes to funny insults, most people turn straight to vulgarity. Which I have to admit I love. But today, with our funny insults, we’re going to keep it classy (ish). These insults are so good and cut so deep, you won’t need to swear. And if all else fails, you can always cheer yourself up with some funny pictures instead.

Funny Insults Without Needing To Swear

  1. Whoever told you to be yourself gave you terrible advice.
  2. You are impossible to underestimate.
  3. You’re not attractive enough to be this stupid.
  4. You’re the human equivalent of a participation award.
  5. I wish we were better strangers.
  6. Everyone who ever loved you was wrong.
  7. If you were anymore inbred, you’d be a sandwich.
  8. I hope the rest of your day is as nice as you are.
  9. You look like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
  10. You’re as useful as a chocolate teapot.
  11. If you’re vagina had a password, it would be “password”.
  12. There is absolutely nothing you could do that would make me think less of you.
  13. That’s why everybody talks about you.
  14. You remind me of the end piece of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches you, nobody wants you.
  15. You don’t know the difference between a headache and an idea.
  16. Don’t play hard to get when you’re so hard to want.
  17. If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow you nose.
  18. You haven’t been yourself lately. Everybody noticed the improvement.
  19. I envy people who have not met you.
  20. Have you ever tried eating your make up? It might be your only chance of being pretty on the inside.
  21. You couldn’t pour water out of a shoe if the instructions were on the heel.
  22. You’re grades say marry rich. You’re face says study harder.
  23. It’s better to let people think you’re an idiot than open your mouth and prove them right.
  24. You are not the person Mr Rogers wanted you to be.
  25. You look like you were poured into your clothes but forgot to say “when”.
  26. I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.
  27. You’re about as much fun as stepping in a puddle with socks on.
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